While I'm feeling ranty, another thing that's been bugging me as of late that I clearly can't keep to myself anymore (but why start a blog if not to vent?) is the constant use of disclaimers I see people using all over the social media when posting pictures of themselves. Essentially it's something along the lines of "Here's a picture of me. Let me tell you everything that's wrong with it."
Every time I see posts like this - which I have to say, is pretty often - I feel so sad. Look, I get that there are times that we don't all love ourselves 100%. And I know that I've seen pictures of myself and thought "oh, that's not super flattering" or "that could use some work." I get this, I do. Especially as a woman who has spent the better part of the last quarter century battling my weight. But this is just my inner monologue talking, and I typically tell it to STFU. I also know that any potential flaw that I see will more than likely go unnoticed by people as they scroll through their feeds. That is, unless I point it out. And that's the thing - if you didn't tell me and the rest of the internet that you're not wearing make-up, your hair is a mess, you feel fat, etc., I wouldn't notice.
This trend isn't even isolated to my social media feeds. One of the super fun (sarcasm) parts of my job as a proposal manager is compiling biographies and head shots for whatever team we're proposing to serve our prospective clients. You know, because seeing that your prospective actuaries are real people with faces is important or something. More often than not when someone sends me their head shot, they have to point out something that is bothering them about it. But the thing is, I don't care. I do think it's interesting that these highly credentialed math nerds who probably make double my salary care that their suit makes them look fat, their beard looks weird, etc., but I don't care and I really don't think that has anything to do with their ability to do their job.
So I'm going to tell you to stop doing that. Stop hating on yourself. You and your perceived flaws are awesome, no matter what they may be, and no matter how huge you think they are. If you start mentally pointing out all the things you don't like, nip that in the bud and remember that you're awesome. And if you don't believe that right now, fake it 'til you make it. That's what I started doing in my early 20's, and that's why for over a decade now, I've thought that I'm pretty awesome (I'm also very humble too - it's my favorite thing about me). It's about time you did the same.
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| Heidi says "Please don't look at how fat my neck is at this angle!" |
This trend isn't even isolated to my social media feeds. One of the super fun (sarcasm) parts of my job as a proposal manager is compiling biographies and head shots for whatever team we're proposing to serve our prospective clients. You know, because seeing that your prospective actuaries are real people with faces is important or something. More often than not when someone sends me their head shot, they have to point out something that is bothering them about it. But the thing is, I don't care. I do think it's interesting that these highly credentialed math nerds who probably make double my salary care that their suit makes them look fat, their beard looks weird, etc., but I don't care and I really don't think that has anything to do with their ability to do their job.
So I'm going to tell you to stop doing that. Stop hating on yourself. You and your perceived flaws are awesome, no matter what they may be, and no matter how huge you think they are. If you start mentally pointing out all the things you don't like, nip that in the bud and remember that you're awesome. And if you don't believe that right now, fake it 'til you make it. That's what I started doing in my early 20's, and that's why for over a decade now, I've thought that I'm pretty awesome (I'm also very humble too - it's my favorite thing about me). It's about time you did the same.
Amen to all of this! I've been noticing it more and more too. I wonder if these folks are just fishing for compliments? If so, then just ask.. Oh wait? That's ridic. And you're so correct in saying- that had the person not pointed out whatever "flaws" they perceive in the photo, most folks would never even notice. (Most people DGaF and aren't scrutinizing someone else anyways and if they are- you shouldnt GAF about what they may or may not be thinking about you anyways) you are awesome, and I'm awesome and so is everyone else :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes people are fishing, but often I think it's just poor self-esteem talking :(
DeleteI see this too and it also makes me feel sad... and annoys me. Because they either do believe it, or are fishing for compliments like xaarlin said. But why post something that you don't like anyway? That is a whole other conversation - stay off social media if it makes you feel self conscious, people.
ReplyDeleteBut yes, love yourself. :) No one cares about your "flaws" as much as you, and probably, no one even notices them. It REALLY makes me sad to know so many people who have or either act like they have such low self confidence and self love.
Yeah, it definitely annoys me. I hate to think that people believe the horrible things they say about themselves, or think that other people feel that way too (and care about that).
DeleteI do think social media makes people feel self-conscious in many different ways that we may not have to face as often if everyone's lives weren't constantly on display. Am I as pretty/thin/muscular/whatever as others? Am I having as much fun as they are? Living the amazing insta-worthy life they are? I guess I'm just really glad it wasn't around when I was in high school and college and hadn't quite built up my self-confidence yet.
I often think I am happy social media wasn't as popular when I was growing up and in college, too... because I would have wasted SO MUCH TIME!!! LOL.
DeleteHa ha, you know, before, people probably just compared themselves to others in their mind... and now we get a visual. LOL. This isn't something that I do (compare myself to others) but I know A LOT OF people plagued by this. Consumed by it. Talking about it a lot. Scares me.
LOL, back in the day I'd "waste time" reading books for fun or journaling to avoid doing my work. Apparently I was smarter in the ways that I wasted my time before the internet ha ha.
DeleteI had major FOMO in high school, but it was just what I thought I was missing out on. Actually seeing stuff like that on FB probably would have been depressing!
Yeah you get the visual comparison now, but you can also broadcast how bad you feel about it so everyone knows what you hate about yourself.
I totally agree! Let's stop the negative self-talk! I usually don't do this, because I figure most people won't notice the flaw so why should I point it out to them. And I tell myself to just STFU when I have negative thoughts. Life is too short!
ReplyDeleteExactly! Why point out something that would otherwise go unnoticed?
DeleteAgain, I so agree. I don't see this very often on social media stuff I follow, or if I do, it's more self-deprecating/subtle/snarky/"clever," but I agree. It's unnecessary. No one will care about my elbow fat as much as I do, so why point it out. It's just silly. ...and honestly, if elbow fat (or whatever) is the biggest worry that I have, I'm in good shape. People lose sight of the big picture.
ReplyDeleteYeah, if I'm ever down on myself, it's snark, and I don't really take it seriously. But that said, your elbows can't possibly be too toned.
DeleteAmen, Anne! I've seen so many instances where a public speaker apologized in advance for being nervous or whatever, but I wouldn't have noticed it had he/she not pointed it out. We are always our own worst enemies and we definitely notice things in ourselves that nobody else would give the time of day to. Maybe people think that pointing out their own flaws is being humble? I had friends who never wanted to say "thank you" after receiving a compliment because they thought it sounded arrogant. They always tried to reject the compliment instead, or downplay it. I can kind of get where they're coming from, but doesn't it come across a little disrespectfully to the person giving you the compliment to "argue" with them? Awkward!
ReplyDeleteI'm usually nervous doing public speaking, but it always seems so obvious to me that I don't feel the need to point it out!
DeleteI know a lot of people have a hard time saying "thank you" when receiving a compliment. Anymore, that's all I say - no extra commentary needed! People usually have good intentions when giving a compliment, so why not just thank them and move on?
You are spot on! If people don't like the way they look in aa photo then they shouldn't even post it, unless of course they need the confirmation that "no, their chin doesn't look big in that picture". I think some people just say negative things about them selves so people say kind things to make them feel better. IDk???
ReplyDelete