Take Time Tuesday: March

I've been wanting to blog more lately, but haven't been able to find the time or motivation. But when Katie mentioned that her "Take Time Tuesday" series was going to be monthly, that seemed like an easy enough way to get back into it. The theme this month is "Feelin' Lucky," and although this month hasn't been easy, I do still feel so incredibly lucky for where I'm at in life.

I spent the first week of March in California visiting my brother and saying goodbye to Carrie. It was really hard at times, but I'm so thankful I was even able to do that. If this had happened at another time in my life, I may not have had the resources to travel cross-country on short notice, so I'm glad that I could go. It was probably one of the most meaningful weeks of my life. Carrie was under hospice care while I was there, but I was able to sit with her for a few hours each day. We had some of the most awesome heart-to-heart talks while I was there, but knowing this was the last time I'd ever see her just broke my heart.

One of M&C's dogs feelin' Lucky (because that's his name)

After 3 years and an incredibly hard and strong fight against lung cancer, Carrie passed away last Sunday. Yes, she did get a lot more time than originally thought—and we are all extremely grateful for that—but it still sucks nonetheless. She was such an amazing, sweet, kind and inspiring person. She was always full of advice and insight, and helped me sort out my own life a lot, just by sharing her wisdom and experiences with me. I can still hear her voice telling me to be happy and not waste my life, and I'll never forget that.

Carrie and me in 2012

The thing about losing someone is the instant perspective you gain. All of life's minor annoyances suddenly seem so trivial and stupid; and all of the big things are all that more important. One thing I've been extra grateful for lately—the most important thing—is my family and friends. I learned the news about Carrie from my brother while on the way home from visiting my parents in Ohio last weekend. I took my new(to the blog) beau, T., to meet my parents, and we all had a really great weekend together. Like, probably one of the best trips to Ohio I've had in years. Obviously Carrie's situation has affected all of us, as being with my family feels like it's so much more important and precious than it used to be.

I was so thankful that T. was driving us back to Illinois when I talked to Matt last Sunday. I've made that trip so many times by myself, but there's no way I could have done it alone that time. I was a constant mess of crying, laughing, sharing stories, needing music and wanting quiet (and, if we're being honest, needing some mid-drive Dairy Queen to cheer me up), and I feel so incredibly lucky to have someone so supportive to be there for me. 

When we returned home to Illinois, we toasted Carrie with a bottle of Madeira that she picked up for me. She had taken me wine tasting in Napa a few years back and remembered how much I enjoyed the Madeira, so of course she got me a bottle, just waiting for me to visit and pick it up. It only seemed fitting to save it for something special.

Losing Carrie sucks and has been harder than I ever could have imagined, but I do feel so incredibly lucky to have known her the past several years, and to be able to call her my sister.

Wow, that was heavy. What's making you feel lucky these days?