Live and Learn

Last year as I was approaching my 30th birthday, I was a bit shocked that I was about to reach such a seemingly grown-up age. Where had the time gone?  I was reminded of this while watching an interview this morning on The Today Show with Glamour editor Cindi Leive, discussing the book 30 Things Every Woman Should Have or Should Know by the Time She Turns 30, which came out today.

I know now what my 29 year-old self wasn't totally sure about: 30 isn't old!  And though I have more responsibilities as I get older, I'm still having just as much fun as I did before.  I did have some pretty big life events happen after I turned 30 - buying my first home, adopting a second dog and getting engaged - but it doesn't feel all that different than 29 did.  But the further away I get from my early 20's, the more I realize I've grown up a little and learned a lot.

Originally published as a list in the magazine, Glamour asked well-known and prominent women for advice for those about to turn 30.  Things they wish they had known and done.  According to Leive, the 5 major themes in this list of 30 are:

1. The ability to fall in love without losing yourself
2. The confidence to quit a job
3. The comfort of living alone
4. The knowledge your body is beautiful
5. The belief that you deserve it

I agree with everything on this list, but the thing is, if our older selves could somehow travel back through time to tell us these things that have been learned, would we listen anyway?  Or are these all lessons that need to be learned the hard way?

The first couple of major relationships that I was in, while 20 and 22, definitely saw me losing myself and compromising on my beliefs and values.  The second one ended disastrously, forcing me to pretty much start my life over.  But if I hadn't gone through all of that, if I hadn't first dated guys who didn't respect my opinions (or in one case, acknowledge that I would even have my own opinions) or care about what I wanted to get out of life, would I have known what an awesome catch I found when I met Bob?  Would I appreciate his constant love, support and encouragement as much?

My first real job out of college gave me a constant sense of accomplishment and achievement, people started thinking of me as some sort of expert, and some of the people I worked with then have become lifelong friends.  When I got an offer to work at a firm downtown, making more money and having more responsibility, I decided to take the chance.  But I didn't burn any bridges.  I was grateful for all of the opportunities and experiences that my company had given me, and I told them as much.  Six months later when the new job turned out to be too much to handle, thanks to a Type-A boss who thought every minute of my life was her time and constantly belittled me, I called my old boss.  He was more than happy to help me find a new position at my old company, and though I didn't have anything officially lined up, I wasn't afraid to quit my job to get out of a bad situation.  I knew something would work out, and it did.

After living in Chicago for almost a year, my roommate moved back to Ohio, leaving me on my own.  It really sucked at the time, and it was hard to suddenly make ends meet on my own with higher rent and needing to buy things like furniture and dishes, but if that hadn't happened, I never would've had the chance to truly live on my own and earn everything I had.  I lived alone for 3 years before Bob and I decided to move in together, and I'm so glad I did.  I learned how to manage a budget, take care of things that broke around my apartment (since I didn't have the luxury of the internet then, this usually involved a call to my dad, but I got to be pretty handy nonetheless), do things for myself, and enjoy my own company.  I firmly believe everyone should live by themselves for a while, just to know that you can do it.

#4 is one that, although I have learned, I struggle with.  There's been many times over the years where I just haven't thought that's true, or I've had to re-teach myself that.  And now that I'm making my body stronger and healthier, I definitely think a lot more highly of it, and want to continue taking care of it.  So while "beautiful" isn't the descriptor I'd always use, I value it.

"Knowing you deserve it" seems kind of vague, but it's an important thing to keep in mind.  It's come up in the past in the form of "I deserve better than this" or, of course, "I've worked hard and earned this," such as a big thing like a promotion at work, or on a smaller scale, when I'm treating myself.  Another way to look at this is to remember to put ourselves first from time to time.  A lot of us might put the needs of others ahead of ourselves, but this is a good reminder that we, too, deserve a little time, love, and any opportunity that may come our way.

Whatever your age and place in life, what would you add to this list?  What do you wish you had known when you were younger?  What lessons have you had to learn the hard way?