I wish that I knew all I know now when I was younger

I loved Erica's post with Tips for My Younger Self this week (and Emily's follow-up post). And since, lately, this blog is just a lot of posts inspired by other bloggers, I wanted to join in the reflective fun. I'll be turning 34 next month, and although I do still consider myself to be pretty young, I've learned a lot since finishing school and growing into an adult.

Don’t worry about what other people think; just be yourself. I think this is the most important thing I could ever tell a younger version of me, or anyone else, really. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, so stop worrying about it or comparing yourself to others. And if someone wants you to be anyone other than who you are, you don’t need them. I've lost myself a few times over the years, and in hindsight, it’s pissed me off that I didn't have the confidence to just be me.

Gift from Mom and Carrie

Don’t be afraid to change your life or take a risk. I’m no stranger to taking risks or just totally uprooting my life, but I’ll admit, with a lot of the most recent changes that I made, it took me a lot of time (and, if you know me, over-analysis) to work up the conviction and courage to do it. I knew that I was unhappy, but doing something like getting divorced seemed like a pretty big leap to take. Was I being selfish? Crazy? Overreacting? Asking too much? Thinking that the grass is greener? The answer to all of these questions is “no,” but big decisions are bound to bring a lot of self-doubt. Making a change is hard, but if it’s the right thing to do – if you really believe you’ll be happier away from your current situation – it’s worth the temporary discomfort and inconveniences.

Always remember just how awesome you are and how awesome you can be. I lost this for a really long time. It’s not that I wasn't confident in myself or in my abilities, but I have at times somehow forgotten that I deserve better than what life was giving me. I think this is a reminder that we all need from time to time, and I’m really lucky to have constant reminders of it now.

"Complacent" isn't good enough. Never settle. It’s so easy to fall into a comfortable routine or situation, and we all do it. This isn't necessarily bad, but you should always ask yourself if you’re happy, or if you want more. If you’re happy, great! If not, find a way to get there. It doesn't always have to involve a huge life change; you may just need a minor tweak. But it’s always good to evaluate this on a regular basis.

Never give up, you’re stronger than you think. I don’t think there’s an area in my life where I haven’t been able to apply this. I've gone from being sedentary and obese to being able to run half-marathons, kick butt in HIIT classes, swim laps and even dead-lift well over 100 pounds. In my career, I worked my way up from a temporary admin with a 3 month contract and no experience to a senior project manager with nothing but hard work and determination. I've been able to start over and re-invent myself a few times, even when the odds seemed totally against me (which people definitely told me at the time!).

 

Let go of anger, it’s not worth it. It’s just not. I've wasted so much time over the years (and yes, even recently) being angry about things that are in the past, out of my control, or not that important in the grand scheme of things. All I've ever gotten from being angry is stress, so what’s the point? On that same token…

Forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, but the only way to move on to better situations is to forgive yourself and let it go.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If your friend or family member was in trouble and needed your help, you’d do everything you could, right? Then why do so many of us feel like we can’t ask for help when we need it? I ended up in Chicago in the first place by taking my high school friends up on an offer to sleep on an air mattress in their spare room while I looked for a job. I’m so thankful that they were willing to help me out like that, because it led to a whole new life.

Not an air mattress, but totally on par with our decor

Don’t forget about your family. I've been guilty of this a lot over the years, and it wasn't really until recently – with a lot of perspective from Carrie – that I realized just how important they are. Carrie lost her own parents, but always took the time to let my parents know that she was thinking about them. She’d call them regularly, send them cards here and there, or pick up little gifts that made her think of them. I always just assumed that my family knew that I love them and think about them, but honestly, people don’t know that unless you tell them or show them in some way.

With my parents and Carrie in 2012

Be smart about money. Of all of the life choices I've made, or situations I've found myself in, debt is probably the longest lasting. I've had a pretty significant amount of debt since I moved to Chicago in 2004, living many of those years paycheck-to-paycheck, obsessively accounting for every single penny (thanks, Excel!). In my early years here, I often did have to choose between groceries and doing anything fun at all (thankfully my office used to give us free food, so I could get away with skimping on groceries a little more back then!). I didn't view credit cards as being “real money” until it was too late and I had dug myself into hole after hole of debt. I've been working nearly half my life and have nothing to show for it, which is a pretty sad realization. I’m extremely happy to say that as of mid-June, my debt will be totally gone. But it certainly took a long time, a lot of help, and some pretty aggressive penny pinching to free myself of it, and it’s the one poor decision that’s been the hardest to shake.

Learn something and move on. The nice thing about life is that we’re always able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and try again. What’s even better is if you can do that and learn something in the process, in hopes of not making the same mistake again.

What would you tell your younger self?