It's May, which means it's the month of.... my birthday! Yes, the entire month. But more relevant to those not born in the best month of the year who may be reading this, it's the month where we celebrate the awesome moms in our lives.
Like a lot of girls, probably, things with my mom weren't always easy. In fact, they were somewhat rocky for a long time - pretty much from the end of high school until I just about hit my 30's and finally grew the f*ck up. It's tough when you're stubborn, hormonal, and have zero perspective on life. But as I've gotten older, I've come to really appreciate all of the things that my mom has done for me, and all of the sacrifices she's made over the years. She halted her own career for 10 years to be a stay-at-home mom to my brother and me. She passed up on many things she may have wanted so that my brother and I could both attend the best private schools in our city, since our neighborhood public school left a lot to be desired. She was a strong advocate for both of us kids when we each had major spinal surgery in high school (even confronting my school's administration when they threatened to fail me for missing too much school by having the nerve to recover too slowly). She's always put her children first. And no matter how horrible I probably was to be around in my angsty teen and college years, she never gave up on me or stopped gushing about how proud she was of me and my accomplishments to anyone who would listen. In honor of Mother's Day this weekend, I thought I'd share some of the lessons that I've learned from my mom.
Life is short. My mom's dad passed away suddenly while she was in high school, which had a profound impact on her. She always said the only thing she wanted was to see us both graduate from high school, since her dad wasn't able to. In that vein, she's always reminded me to appreciate even the smallest things in life, since we never know how long we have here.
You can do it, no matter how long it takes. When my mom graduated high school, she started working immediately (because you could actually get a decent job without a college degree in the 60's) and put off going to college because her family couldn't afford it. She tried going to college a few times over the years, but life kept getting in the way. She finally graduated at the age of 64, and we were so proud of her for finally doing it. Better late than never!
Try new things. When we took vacations, my mom had one rule: we couldn't eat anywhere that we had at home (sorry, McDonald's and the like). I still cite this rule whenever T and I are on the road, and love that it gives us a chance to try new things in new places. And of course this doesn't just apply to food or travel, but life in general. Get out of your comfort zone and stop doing the same old thing. You never know what you could discover if you don't try something new.
Have a strong support network. My mom has always had a lot of friends (she met her BFF almost 50 years ago!) and comes from an extremely close family. When life gets tough, she always has someone to talk to, blow off steam with, have fun with, etc. I don't really have a huge network of friends or anything, but I do have my family and a few very close friends that I know I can always count on when I need them (which came in handy the past few years when I did, in fact, need them).
Take mental health days. Long before there was a large-scale focus on wellness and the need for some "me" time, my mom was a huge proponent of "mental health days." You know those days where you just don't want to go to school or work, but aren't actually sick? Those are the days my mom would encourage a mental health day. I always felt so guilty about skipping school, even if I did need a break, but she'd insist (assuming I wasn't missing anything important). Even as an adult, I've called her to ask if she agreed I should blow off work. Those days are SO necessary from time to time, and definitely not something to feel guilty about, and I'm glad that I was always encouraged to take a break if I needed it.
It's the little things that show others you care. My mom used to write little notes to me and pack them in my school lunches (or often on my lunch - she regularly wrote notes on bananas), just to remind me that she was thinking about me during the day. Sometimes the smallest, simplest of gestures can mean a lot and can make someone's day a little better.
You can love someone even if you don't always love what they do. I remember my mom saying "I love you but not what you did" the few times that I ever did anything wrong as a kid (haha, because I was an angel most of the time), which has definitely stuck with me. No one is perfect, but loving them through and despite those imperfections is what counts.
Don't take any guff. More than anything, the one thing my mom always stressed to me was the importance of standing up for myself and not taking any shit from anyone. I got picked on a lot as a kid and was pretty sensitive about it. I remember so many days that she'd pick me up from school and I'd start crying about my day immediately. When she'd drop me off in the morning, the last thing she'd say as I got out of the car was "Don't take any guff from anyone!" And to this day, I generally don't take anyone's crap and don't have room for anyone in my life who gives me any.
What did you learn from your mom (or other motherly figures in your life)?
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| Cheers! (2015) |
Life is short. My mom's dad passed away suddenly while she was in high school, which had a profound impact on her. She always said the only thing she wanted was to see us both graduate from high school, since her dad wasn't able to. In that vein, she's always reminded me to appreciate even the smallest things in life, since we never know how long we have here.
You can do it, no matter how long it takes. When my mom graduated high school, she started working immediately (because you could actually get a decent job without a college degree in the 60's) and put off going to college because her family couldn't afford it. She tried going to college a few times over the years, but life kept getting in the way. She finally graduated at the age of 64, and we were so proud of her for finally doing it. Better late than never!
Try new things. When we took vacations, my mom had one rule: we couldn't eat anywhere that we had at home (sorry, McDonald's and the like). I still cite this rule whenever T and I are on the road, and love that it gives us a chance to try new things in new places. And of course this doesn't just apply to food or travel, but life in general. Get out of your comfort zone and stop doing the same old thing. You never know what you could discover if you don't try something new.
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| Visiting the Bean (c. 2005 or 2006) |
Take mental health days. Long before there was a large-scale focus on wellness and the need for some "me" time, my mom was a huge proponent of "mental health days." You know those days where you just don't want to go to school or work, but aren't actually sick? Those are the days my mom would encourage a mental health day. I always felt so guilty about skipping school, even if I did need a break, but she'd insist (assuming I wasn't missing anything important). Even as an adult, I've called her to ask if she agreed I should blow off work. Those days are SO necessary from time to time, and definitely not something to feel guilty about, and I'm glad that I was always encouraged to take a break if I needed it.
It's the little things that show others you care. My mom used to write little notes to me and pack them in my school lunches (or often on my lunch - she regularly wrote notes on bananas), just to remind me that she was thinking about me during the day. Sometimes the smallest, simplest of gestures can mean a lot and can make someone's day a little better.
You can love someone even if you don't always love what they do. I remember my mom saying "I love you but not what you did" the few times that I ever did anything wrong as a kid (haha, because I was an angel most of the time), which has definitely stuck with me. No one is perfect, but loving them through and despite those imperfections is what counts.
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| Lunch cruise on Lake Michigan (2009) |
Don't take any guff. More than anything, the one thing my mom always stressed to me was the importance of standing up for myself and not taking any shit from anyone. I got picked on a lot as a kid and was pretty sensitive about it. I remember so many days that she'd pick me up from school and I'd start crying about my day immediately. When she'd drop me off in the morning, the last thing she'd say as I got out of the car was "Don't take any guff from anyone!" And to this day, I generally don't take anyone's crap and don't have room for anyone in my life who gives me any.
What did you learn from your mom (or other motherly figures in your life)?
Great wisdom from your mom. Love the word "guff"! BTW - how did you stop taking guff from the other kids who were picking on you?
ReplyDeleteI think my mom and I might be the only people who use the word "guff" LOL
DeleteGood question! I stopped taking myself so seriously and learned to laugh at myself, and I stopped caring what other people think. Everything just rolls off once you can do those things :)
This is such a fantastic list! Some of it reminds me of my mom - like the little notes and stuff. I like to do those things for people and still love it when my mom visits and leaves little notes when she goes!
ReplyDeleteI learned from my mom to give second chances. She is so forgiving and kind, and I tend not to be. Talking to her (sometimes, ha!) reminds me to be!
Giving second chances can be hard (and unfortunately, doesn't always pay off)! That's definitely a good reminder to be more understanding :)
DeleteLove this list! My favorite is "you can love someone but not love what they do." It took me awhile to understand that concept as a child, but it still resonates with me to this day!
ReplyDeleteI think it's a hard concept as an adult sometimes too!
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