Why Do I Do This To Myself?

I've had some crazy intense workouts that have basically kicked my ass this week, leaving me pretty sore and worn out.  Tuesday my personal training session was 100% strength.  I'm not sure we've ever done that before (my trainer insists we have), but damn was that hard!  And also really good for me, because I've got cardio more than covered on my own.  But it was so intense, my arms and legs were like jello by the time I was done.  I'm not joking when I say I could barely lift a jug of milk to pour myself some when I got home.  Despite that, I went back for kickboxing the next day, which was so hard and exhausting since I was still sore and a little tired.  While foam-rolling later, I wondered why on earth I do this to myself?  But feeling sore because of a good workout isn't the worst feeling in the world - it means whatever I'm doing is working.  And as I watched myself in the mirror during Tuesday's strength session, I noticed that I look like a total badass.  I feel strong and fit when I work out, and it's pretty awesome.

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And that's certainly not the only thing I get out of exercise.  I've made no secret of the fact that work has been pretty intense over the past month or so.  The good news is, all of the craziness is coming to an end next Friday, ready or not, because it's our government deadline.  But getting to the deadline is going to involve a lot of work.  Today, for example, I've been working so hard that I just finally sat down at 4pm to eat lunch - several bowls of cereal.  On top of all of this, I got some not great news from a close-friend-that's-basically-family last night that just totally threw me for a loop, because it wasn't what I was expecting at all.  Except that I kind of had a bad feeling about it.  But the point is, I was not in a great place emotionally this morning, but thankfully Kim and I had a run scheduled.  I'd normally back out of plans if I wasn't feeling like myself, but something about running just sounded like such a perfect break.  And it was.  We drove down to the lakefront and ran a 5 mile loop from Irving Park to the turnaround up at Hollywood Beach and back.  The northern part of Lakeshore has always been one of my favorite parts of the city.  You don't get as good a view of downtown, but it just feels like home to me.  When I first moved to Chicago, I lived in Edgewater for a few years.  For those who don't know, Edgewater is the neighborhood when you get to the very northern end of Lakeshore Drive (it's so far north that many people asked me if I was still in the city when I lived there).  Of course, the area was "up and coming" at the time, and not really a place for a single early 20's gal who was new to the city to be living by herself, but one perk was that I was a 5 minute walk from the lake.  Even before I ran, I used to love taking walks along the lake just to clear my head.  And that's what happened this morning.  It was sunny and bright, but also fairly quiet, so it was the perfect setting to have a good run.  I was able to talk about what was bothering me, and then just enjoy the scenery and good company and not have to think about it for a while.

So why do I do this to myself?  Sure, I'm exercising to maintain my weight loss and stay healthy, but I love the way that it makes me feel.