10 Years in Chicago

There are events and turning points that change all of our lives, good or bad, for better or for worse.  One of the most significant events in my life is, hands-down, the day I decided to make Chicago my home.  This week marks 10 years since I made that choice, which is blowing my mind.  How have I already been in my “new” city for an entire decade? I've made so many incredible memories in Chicago.  I spent most of my 20’s here, got my first real job out of college here, met my husband, adopted our dogs, bought our first home, and have made so many wonderful friends here over the years.

Whenever anyone asks me why I moved to Chicago, I’ll usually say it was to find a job after college or that I came to live with some high school friends. That’s 100% true, but not the entire story. So in the spirit of sharing stories and struggles (see the #realbloggerbeauty project), I'm sharing my proudest story yet. 

In the spring of 2004, I was leading a pretty blah life, living in a Detroit suburb with my boyfriend “Dick” (we’ll call him that, since that’s what he was) and working a dead-end, part-time minimum wage job in retail. I had graduated from college at the end of 2003 but couldn't find a real job since the recession seemingly hit that area several years before the rest of the country.  Fear not, Dick told me, I didn't need a job to be a housewife and stay-at-home mom, he would take care of me.  I’m not knocking either of these things since I know there are women out there who want exactly that and truly enjoy being home and raising a family. But at only 22, that wasn't the life for me, and I didn't appreciate Dick dismissing my education (as he frequently did) or desire to have a career.  Maybe I would have a family someday, but my parents had always stressed to me that I should live my own life before settling down, and that was what I wanted to do.

In addition to our clearly different life goals and aspirations, Dick was extremely insecure. I was on Weight Watchers for the first time that winter, and once I started dropping a good chunk of weight he became paranoid that I may leave him and started hacking into my emails and IMs (tip: doing that will almost guarantee that your girlfriend will leave you).  He was controlling, manipulative, and alienated me from my long-time friends, convincing me that they didn't have my best interest in heart.  And once it seemed clear that the relationship was doomed, he hooked up with a mutual friend of ours one night while I was at work.

In May of that year, just a week before my 23rd birthday, Dick and I came to Chicago for the weekend to see my high school friends Jessie and Brodi, who had moved here the previous summer.  The weekend was a disaster.  We had a huge fight and basically broke up in the middle of a restaurant at dinner one night. Later that night, after Dick had gone off to pout, Jessie told me that if I ever wanted to come out just to get away for a while, I was always welcome.

Chicago River, May, 2004

Despite all of the drama of that weekend and Jessie’s offer, that relationship dragged out for a couple more horrible weeks (we've probably all had that long, never ending break-up, right? Maybe?).  I realized on Memorial Day that I had pretty much had it and needed to escape that life, so I asked Jessie if I could come back to Chicago that weekend.  The constant drama and fighting was just too much, and I was pretty noticeably depressed, spending much of my free time either sleeping or crying. I applied for a leave-of-absence at work, packed up some clothes and a few belongings, and on Sunday, June 6th, 2004, I got the hell out of there.

In hindsight of course it’s pretty obvious that things would never have worked out and I would never have been happy in that life, but I didn't quite have the high self-esteem and belief in myself then as I do now, so leaving was still hard.  For the first couple of hours I was on the road, I cried and wondered if I was really doing the right thing.  But once I crossed the border from Michigan into Indiana, I realized I had been white-knuckling the entire drive and started breathing a sigh of relief. I was free.  

Lakeshore Drive on a sunny day

That Sunday was beautiful – it was warm and breezy, the sun was out and the bright blue sky was dotted with perfect, fluffy white clouds.  As often happens, once I got into town I got stuck in traffic on Lakeshore Drive.  But I didn't mind. I rolled down the windows, turned up my radio and took in everything around me.  God, what a beautiful city this was.  The skyline was just as magnificent as always, and the lakefront and Grant Park were full of people out enjoying the day.  It was then and there, sitting in my car on Lakeshore Drive, that I decided this wasn't just a visit.  I wanted Chicago to be my new home.

September, 2004

Moving to Chicago was definitely one of the most impulsive and least thought-out things I've ever done.  I didn't really own much of anything, didn't have a job lined up, and may have had about $100 to my name at the time.  I wouldn't necessarily recommend anyone move to a new city in the haphazard manner that I did, but on the other hand, doing so and taking back control of my life felt so empowering. I didn't just get a change of scenery; I got a whole new life.  I didn't know how, but I would find a way to make things work.  There were a lot of times that it wasn't easy.  In fact, the first few years were really hard, and I considered giving up and going back home to Ohio on more than a few occasions. Although I did get a job pretty quickly, I still found myself in debt since furnishing a new life and a professional wardrobe all at the same time can be pretty costly, especially while still paying off a car and student loans. Living in a new city where you don’t really know anyone (as Brodi soon moved downtown to live with her boyfriend-now-husband and Jessie moved back to Ohio the following year) nor have any family can be pretty lonely. But I got by, built a new life for myself, and am better for it.

In fact, moving to Chicago helped shape the person that I am today.  The girl who left Michigan that Sunday morning in June was shy, afraid to take risks and pretty unsure of herself.  I had no choice but to break out of my shell since I didn't know anyone, which made me a lot more outgoing than I ever had been and, ultimately, comfortable in my own skin. I learned how to be independent and take care of myself.  Being able to dust myself off and successfully build a life from basically nothing showed me how strong and capable I actually was, which helped me start believing in myself. If I could do this, I could do anything.

To this day, anytime I find myself sitting in traffic on Lakeshore Drive I think back to the beautiful summer day that my entire life changed and I became a Chicagoan.

Frolicking around Lincoln Park, September, 2004